| To all my faithful readers;
This is my last entry..maybe someday i'll start another diary up since i need one to be able to get everything out and i dont like writing it, i liked this so much because i could get feedback from people, but now the oppertunity is gone since some stupid people who apparently got ahold of it and gave it to my mother. thanks whoever you are, i really fucking appreciate it. THIS IS MY FUCKING DIARY YOU DUMBFUCK WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU GIVE THIS TO MY MOM UNLESS I WAS THEATENING TO HURT MYSELF AND I HAVEN'T BEEN!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD. I'm so pissed off right now its crazy. Whoever did this needs to get a life and stop worring about me. im fucking fine. im getting used to living a depressing, sucky life and its okay now. I've learned sadly, its not going to change. my life will suck forever so don't go running around telling my mom shit she should already know. Lord. This was my private world that I could share with a few select people, but i guess that somehow people were able to get a hold of it.
My mom wrote me a note. I like when she writes me notes but not these kinds. She told me the friends i had were "frumpy and lifeless" - thank you but i like my friends. im sick of having all these friends who seem to get old and boring and the same -cough-. I'm not talking about anyone who reads this, but if she does and i dont know about it you should know who you are. And you suck. You left me out in the cold, totally abandoned me when i needed you most. I apprecate it. You're so sweet. thank you for leaving me to to myself so i had no one to turn to when things got bad. I love crying myself to sleep and not having anyone to call when things suck..you used to be that person but you finally realized how much i suck and am worthless and not worth your time. thanks, love. But anyway, back to my "new" friends..i enjoy them. They have many of hte same intrests as I do - such as emo boys, piercings and music. I want to stand out from the crowd, make something of myself, not be one of hte same of everyone else in my fucking school.
my mom told me that i shouldn't scar or tattoo my body because its already beautiful. but shes suppost to say that because shes my mom, if she weren't my mom she'd realize how im not beautiful. I'm fucking nasty as hell. Piercings and tattoos and scars and hair dye make me intresting, they make me something i dont mind looking in the mirror and seeing. Right now i look and just shutter. I hate my lips, nose, cheeks, chin, hair, legs, arms, stomach, butt, feet, fingers, hands, elbows, everything but my eyes & my boobs. im not a happy child. I don't want to live here anymore and i want to be free to do what i please. I want someone to love me, but not my parents. I want someone to tell me they will always be there and actullay act like they give a damn..my "friends" say they do, but do they ever call me? no. Do they ever make plans with me and INTEND to keep them? no. Do they care if i cut? maybe, but its most likely a show. Do they ever call me when they know i've had a bad day just to ask how i am? no. Do they IM me online? no. Do they ever call just to talk when they don't need something? no. The only person who does do all these things is renae, and shes leaving. She'll no longer go to my school, and then who will i turn to. My mom wants me to rebuild friendships with my friends in my class...so if anyone wants to rebuild a friendship with me, let me know. im intrested..i dont wnat to spend all summer sitting around and feeling sorry for myself. i do enough of that now.
Good bye loves, keep in contact.
misskinzx (aim) or xxtinkerbell (aol) or 6087902667 (cell phone)
good bye and i hope all of you readers have a good life. don't do anything stupid like i've done. my life sucks and i dont want anyone else to have to feel the way i do. lovelovelove. kinsey |
